


Can't You See I'm Dying

by strawberryfieldsforeverrrr



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breaking Up & Making Up, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Remus Lupin, Sirius Black is a Good Boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfieldsforeverrrr/pseuds/strawberryfieldsforeverrrr
Summary: Remus Lupin loved Sirius Black. There was never any doubt about that.I do not support or agree with any of J.K. Rowling's transphobic, homophobic, racist, or anti-semitic views or statements, nor do I support any of the cast that has not spoken out against her.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	Can't You See I'm Dying

Remus Lupin loved Sirius Black. There was never any doubt about that. So when he broke up with him it was a shock. It wasn’t that he was unhappy or that Sirius had done something wrong. It was the opposite really. Remus knew that if he dragged it out and made promises he wouldn’t be able to keep that it would just end up hurting Sirius even more than he already had. Or so he thought. 

Sirius was a wreck. He felt like absolute and utter shit. He was angry and hurt and he just wanted his Moony back. When Remus had called him over to his apartment that Wednesday afternoon last month he had been happy. He had no idea that he was going to be broken up with with no explanation. 

So here he was a month later sulking in his and James’ flat wondering what he had possibly done wrong to make Remus break up with him. He knew Remus was still in love with him, he had said as much. Remus had assured him that he had done nothing wrong and that it wasn’t his fault and yet Sirius still found it hard to believe him. 

He heard a knock on the front door and he got up out the armchair to open the door. As he was walking he caught a glimpse of himself in the hallway mirror. Wonderful, not only did he feel like shit he looked it too. He sighed and undid the deadbolt. When he opened the door his heart clenched painfully in his chest as he came face to face with none other than Remus himself. 

“Oh shit Sirius, I’m sorry I was looking for James. He said he needed to talk to me,” Remus said quickly “I can go if you want. I really didn’t know you were home.”

“No, no it's fine he just ran out to get some eggs we ran out.” Sirius replied as he swallowed a lump in his throat “Come in, he should be back in a minute.” 

Remus nodded hesitantly and stepped inside as Sirius shut the door behind him. He walked over to the couch and sat down awkwardly almost as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed. Sirius sat down in the armchair he had been sitting in before. An uneasy and awkward silence settled upon them. Sirius was looking at his hands and picking at his fingernails. Remus just sat tracing the scars on his hands and looking anywhere but Sirius. 

Finally Sirius couldn’t take any longer and before he could stop himself words were rushing out of his mouth. 

“Was it something I did?” He asked “Did I do something to make you stop loving me or did I hurt you?”

Remus looked up and his eyes immediately softened at Sirius’ words. “No, not at all Sirius,” he spoke softly “It wasn’t your fault at all.”

“Then why did you break up with me?” Sirius said quietly “I thought we were happy, I thought we were-” 

“Sirius please don’t” Remus cut him off “I really, really don’t want to talk about it.”

Sirius scoffed, “You can’t just break up with me, offer no explanation and just refuse to talk about it. I love you and I thought that you loved me too and I don’t understand what happened to make that change.” Sirius could hear his voice getting louder but he didn’t care. 

Remus seemed to be fighting internally with himself as Sirius looked at him expectantly. Finally he sighed as he ran his hand through his curly blonde hair and looked at Sirius. 

“Of course I love you Sirius,” he said in a small voice “That was never in question.”

“Then why did you break it off!” Sirius was practically shouting now as he grew more frustrated and confused. 

“Because I’m dying!” Remus shouted. “I’m dying.” his voice cracked as he said it again quieter. He spoke as if the words were physically being pulled from him.

Sirius paled and the world seemed to stop as he processed what Remus had said. He opened his mouth to speak but Remus held up a hand to silence him. 

“You know my mom died from the tumor on her lungs right, How she had the lung disease?” Remus said softly, Sirius nodded, “I went to get tested because I was having trouble breathing and they found a tumor.” 

Sirius sucked in his breath and he could feel tears beginning to prick at the corner of his eyes. 

“It’s too big to remove surgically and they don’t think Chemo will help.” Remus continued “They said I have about four to five months left.” Sirius bit back a choked sob as he stared at Remus. 

It all made sense now. The last months before Remus’ mother had died it had been horrible. She had felt like a burden to everyone and isolated herself from everything and everyone. He understood now that Remus was trying to do the same. 

“You’re not doing this alone,” Sirius said as firmly as he could with tears already starting to run down his face “I know what you’re trying to do. You think that you’re going to be a burden on everyone so you’re isolating yourself and I’ll be damned if I let you do it.” 

Remus started to protest but Sirus cut him off by wrapping his arms around the other man. Remus’ protests died down as he started shaking in Sirius’ arms. This wasn’t fair, he thought. They were twenty-two years old. They should be worrying about jobs and crap like that, not dying and tumors. Remus started sobbing and Sirius stoked his hair and whispered sweet nothings in his ears. 

“I’m not ready to go yet.” Remus cried “I had plans. We were supposed to have a life together. I- I bought a fucking ring the week before I was diagnosed.” Sirius’ heart cracked and he held onto Remus even tighter than before. 

“I know Moony. I know.” Sirius managed to say “I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I love you so much, I’m so sorry.” 

“I’m sorry I tried to push you away. I was scared and I was being stupid. I love you.” Remus sobbed “I love you.” Sirius held onto him and kissed his forehead as they both cried. 

Remus Lupin loved Sirius Black. He would love him for the rest of his life. And he did.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize


End file.
